Baron Bob's Blog

“There ain’t no cure for the summertime blues”

Brooks — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 15:19:13 +0000

Well, Baron Bob is here to say that there is a cure for the summertime blues and he is the Doctor of Daffy and Delicious Delights to write the prescription. Whether you’re Mom and Dad, who have just sent their kids off to camp for the summer and are already missing the cute little buggers before the bus is even out of sight. Or, if you happen to be a kid who is spending the next 3 months in a cabin out in the woods away from your friends, text messaging and video games. Whichever side of the “summertime blues” you’re on, the Baron is here to make everyone not only happy but excited, too. That’s right. He’s the Man With The Plan. And that plan involves 2 of the kookiest, craziest camp-tastic ideas EVER! Because when you send or receive the CREEPY CRAWLY CAMPER’S CANDY CARE PACKAGE or the SUMMER SURVIVAL KIT, summer camp becomes the greatest place on Earth!

Creepy Crawly Candy Care Package from BaronBob.com

Check out the CREEPY CRAWLY CAMPER’S CANDY CARE PACKAGE and all the oogly woogly, squishy and squashy, yummy and gummy treats that come with it. Everything from Gummy Earthworms to a Giant Gummy Snake. Anyone care for some creepy and crunchy Crick-ettes? And, yes. They are REAL crickets. Real DELICIOUS crickets, too. Heck, we bet you’ll even get over your fear of spiders once you take a bite out of a delicious Gummy Tarantula. Not to mention delicious candy lightning bugs that actually LIGHT UP when held in the cool tongs that come with them. These neat to eat treats will make every camper a “Junior Entomologist” with a degree in deliciousness. PRICE $19.95

Summer Survival Kit from BaronBob.com.

Up next, we have the SUMMER SURVIVAL KIT. This awesome gift package has a whole load of things that could only come from a thoughtful parent who wants their kids to be happy away at camp. Everyone knows at camp you get to go swimming, which is always loads of fun. Well, we make it even more fun with the incredible Waboba Water ball that can actually BOUNCE on the water. Whether in the pool or in a lake, this is one of the coolest water toys ever. For spending lots of time out in the sunshine and fresh air, they get the totally rockin’ Flying Slingshot Monkey. Just pull back and watch him sail through the air with a series of “OOK! OOK!”, which is monkey for “This is so much fun!”. Of course, you’re not going to spend the summer in the woods without getting the occasional scrape or scratch out hiking. Make it all better with the Pickle Bandages. Only thing better on a boo-boo than a mother’s kiss. Meal time in the mess becomes a wild day at the zoo with the Pick Your Nose Animal Cups. Turns all the campers into hysterically funny animals. Stuck in their cabins on a rainy day? No problema! Just break out the Thumb Wrestling Ring that’s included and they’ll while away the hours battling to be King of the Thumbs. Plus, to write home and tell you how much you rock, they get a nifty set of Snifty Pens. It will be the most sweet-smelling and sentimental letter a parent has ever received from a child away at summer camp. PRICE $39.95

The CREEPY CRAWLY CAMPER’S CANDY CARE PACKAGE and the SUMMER SURVIVAL KIT were created with love by all of us here at BaronBob.com because each and every one of us here is a parent with kids and some of them are already in the mountains annoying some poor college-age counselor as you read this. So, when we say these great and goofy care packages were created with love, it’s the truth. Just don’t make us swear that we miss them. We start to get all misty-eyed.

BARON BOB BEATS SCIENTISTS TO EARTH-SHATTERING DISCOVERY: INFLATABLE SHARKS ARE REAL!!

Brooks — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 20:48:44 +0000

Swell Sharks caught off the coast of The Philippines.

June 27, 2011

Little did we realize last month when Baron Bob unveiled the incredibly cool and exciting Inflatable Shark Head, that within a few short weeks following this monumental event, that scientists doing research in the Philippines for the past few years, announced the discovery of hundreds of new species, both on land in the waters off the island country. Incredibly enough, one of the amazing new creatures discovered is a deep-sea shrimp-eating shark that can make itself swell up to scare off other fish. That’s right. The Inflatable Shark is REAL!!

Years from now, the name Baron Bob will be mentioned along with other great men and women of science as Charles Darwin, Jane Goodall and Louis Leakey. Indeed, no one could have ever predicted that from the environs of the Baron Bob warehouse and command center, that we would beat those scientists to the punch and unveil the amazing Inflatable Shark Head WEEKS before they would. Man, that’s gotta suck for them, don’t you think? All that hard work for years out in the tropical heat, dealing with every form of poisonous bug and plant to be found, just to get trumped by the Donald Trump of Tricks and Gags.

So, here’s the skinny on what’s just been announced from those eggheads overseas. Apparently, there is a very cool species of shark that can fill up it’s body cavity with sea water causing it to swell up or inflate in order to scare off predators. (Bet you didn’t know that sharks had anything to be afraid of, did you?) Those poor guys risked their lives every day to discover something we had found and shared with the world from the safety of our offices.

So, as we stand here patting ourselves on the back for being the FIRST to show the world the amazingly cool and colorful Inflatable Shark Head, we say to the researchers out in the Philippines, “Congratulations! How does it feel to come in SECOND?!?”. Because for all we know, in a few months science may catch up and “discover” something incredible that the Baron was already the first to stumble upon.

The Inflatable Shark Head and the newly discovered species of Swelling Inflatable Shark. Proving that sometimes nature really does have a sense of humor.

Inflatable Shark Head caught off the coast of New Jersey.

Reel in your very own Inflatable Shark Head for only $24.95.

Royal Wedding over Funny Gift Ideas for a Blissful Marriage.

Brooks — Tue, 17 May 2011 19:13:04 +0000

Were you caught up in all the Royal Wedding madness a few weeks ago? Lord, it seemed like the whole world was hanging on every element of those two crazy kids nuptials.

So, you get married in front of billions of people on live TV. (4 am on the East Coast here in America. Thanks a lot for that!) But now that the marriage is behind them and they slip into the daily grind of married life, chances now they’re realizing, as the old saying goes, “The honeymoon is over”.

Odds are that Kate may soon be using the oldest line in the book when it comes to getting out of nookie time in the royal bedroom. So if William starts to hear, “I’ve got a headache!”, he’ll need one of the Baron’s GIANT ASPIRINS to get her in the mood again. And eventually when the spark starts to grow dim they can get one of our SCULPTA SUTRA Karma Sutra Clay Modeling Kits. Spending time creating little moldable figures into all sorts of kink-alicious positions will keep the spark alive in their bedroom for sure.

And soon they will discover what every married couple eventually figures out and that is the best place to lay low and get away from each other is the loo. (Bathroom for you Yankees). Which means they will want the POTTY PUTTER. A great gift for any man who spends time on the throne. Also, on their shopping list should be Bob’s TALKING TOILET PAPER ROLL DISPENSER. Kate could use it to nag him about things on his Highness-To-Do List. You know, leave him little comments like, “You promised to re-shingle the servant’s quarters!” or “We’re having dinner with the King and Queen of Bavaria on Saturday, so make sure your crown is polished and you have clean underwear”.

Finally, they should get the most perfect of gifts for any married pair: the hysterical BUTT MUGS. For the man and wife who still love each other even though they are a royal pain in the ass.

FLY OFF TO: BaronBob.com the world’s wackiest gift gallery.

POST BY: Brett Word Smith

Funny Mother’s Day Gift Ideas.

Brooks — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 17:39:50 +0000

Believe it or not Sir Paul has a mother, a very patient one.

Every Mom answers the same way when you ask her what she wants for Mothers Day. “You don’t have to get me anything” We all know the real truth.

So you’re thinking about what to get Mom. What about Flowers? Well that pretty much goes without saying. Flowers are beautiful and they smell purty but flowers die so I go with potted flowers or some type of plant. She might have to water and care for it, so if you think Mom just isn’t going to do it you might wanna go with the next best thing….

The Solar Dancing Flower! No water, no mess no fuss. With a little direct sunlight the flower waves from side to side.

Maybe, you’ve got the kind of Mom who partakes in the spirits. Not ghosts, BOOZE! Well, we got that covered. Giant Martini, Margarita and Wine glasses.

I’ve got one last funny gift for Mom to share with you and this one is for all you who have a straight edge, no cussin’ no drinkin’ God fearin’ Mom just like mine. My funny gift for Mom this year is going to be an Enormous Tea Cup & Saucer Set. I doubt she’s going to ever drink a cup of tea this big but it makes a great conversation piece & she’ll have somewhere to put that plant we spoke about earlier.

Take a look through our Funny Mothers Day Gifts section at some great gift ideas. Keep in mind that we do offer a Gift Basket Service for only $9.95. Run through the site, pick out some really cool gifts and we’ll have one of our Garden Gnomes put them together in a beautiful gift basket with a cute bow on top.

POST BY SIR PAUL – Baron Bob’s Office Ninja!

Winning is refreshing with the Tiger Blood Energy Drink!

Brooks — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 00:20:03 +0000

CHARLIE SHEEN. Figured that would at least get you to start reading.

I’m NOT going to jump on the band wagon but if you’re over 35 then you definitely have a favorite Carlos Irwin Estevez movie. For me it’s Platoon, one of the best Vietnam War era films ever made.

I just found out there was a mistake made on the art work for the Platoon movie poster.

The characters in the movie are in the Army, but in the artwork, the dog tags that make up the two “O”s in Platoon read USMC. Coincidence or Conspiracy???????

On to why I started writing this. I was watching Charlie ramble on about some crazy troll thing and I heard 2 words come out of that idiot’s mouth that just stopped everything.

I don’t remember what I was doing or where I was but I remember everything just abruptly stopping. Those 2 words just made sense to me. There were no questions, no answers, just TIGER BLOOD! Got to admit, when I first tried to paint a mental picture all I could come up with is Sheen in on bed and a tiger in the other getting a transfusion of some sort. But that’s silly talk.

So I did a search on Google for TIGER BLOOD and after sifting through the regular garbage I came across what I was looking for. TIGER BLOOD is an energy potion!

Guess who just happens to have a 3.4 oz bag of TIGER BLOOD. That’s right baby, this guy. And I did say 3.4 oz. bag, the TIGER BLOOD comes in what looks like a bag blood would be kept in.

At the bottom of the bag is a convenient little twist off top and on the back is the nutritional facts about the stuff I’m about to drink.

Not bad, tastes pretty good actually.

I was never an energy potion kind of guy but this is okay. WINNNING!

I could see this being a pretty funny gift; maybe give it to a team before they hit the field for the big game. Little pick me up or get well soon gift. Pack on in hubby’s lunch and give him that unexpected boost he needs to get him through the day.

Only $3.95
Get your paws on some today!

http://www.baronbob.com/Tiger-Blood-energy-drink.htm

Post by Sir Paul (office ninja).

Alternative Easter Basket – make someone real hoppy!

Brooks — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 22:31:03 +0000

Definitely not your typical Easter basket but I’ll get into that in a little bit.

Remember when we were kids and still believed that a magical little bunny came around to all the little children and pooped out little colorful eggs? Well I do, fondly. I would leave carrots under my bed before we left to my grandmothers house for Easter dinner and the Easter egg hunt but I made the mistake of mentioning my rabbit buffet to my dad who for many years would replace the carrots with a handful of jelly beans. The first time I found those jelly beans I was so in shock I couldn’t even talk for like 5 minutes. Mind you I was 14 years old.

Well I’m 37 now and have since found out to my dismay that there is no Easter Bunny but I still love the hippity hoppity whimsicalness off the whole thing. I’m also in a position to leave my little mark on Easter. I am none other than Sir Paul (remember my name you’ll be screaming it later, saw it on a funny shot glass which we sell by the way along with a cool selection of other funny shot glasses) on BaronBob.com. I know it doesn’t really mean too much to you but I always wanted to say that. Well here at BaronBob.com we pride ourselves in being the webs wackiest gift gallery. We do things a little different here in NJ, we think waaaay outside the box. This thinking is what inspired the Nightmare Before Easter Basket. Seen from across the room the basket resembles any other cheesy super market bought run of the mill Easter basket. Upon closer examination your eyes are drawn to the word BACON, why would there be bacon in an Easter basket? You read the colorful red tin and it says ‘Bacon Gumballs’. Little bit of a shock so you scan the other contents, Giant Gummy Bear. Okay looking good. Cupcake Frosting Flavored Dental Floss, that’s pretty cool right? Wait, crickets? Really? Not just any crickets, Bacon & Cheese Crickets. Spotted, is another cool looking round tin but your experience with the other cool tin was weird to say the least. This one is no different but very intriguing, you gotta admit. Onion Ring Flavored Mints! You notice the Giant Gummy Snake intertwined with the handle. That thing alone can keep a kid quiet and still for about 3 hours but bouncing off the walls afterwards, the double edged sword. So plan accordingly. Give this to your kid 3 hours before dropping them off at your ex-spouses house.

Back to the basket. Okay at this point the clear plastic and pretty bow are on the ground and you’re really getting into this basket. You see a box with the familiar Jelly Belly logo on it and those things are amazing. Across the box in big bold letters the name of the jelly beans, BeanBoozled. What a really cool idea. Listen to this. 20 flavors. 10 really good flavors and 10 really gross, disgusting flavors. You won’t know if your popping yummy Berry Blue or Toothpaste. Black Licorice or Skunk Spray. Make a game of it! There’s a pretty cool little fire extinguisher that sprays some Super Sour Spray which could help with the taste of that Skunk Spray Jelly Bean. You notice there’s a diaper in the basket. They couldn’t have, could they? Na, but oh yeah they did! You open the diaper to find a cute little chocolate turd in a bag. The trick is to pop the little chocolate poo in the microwave for a few seconds right before you give it to someone. I have a kid and I remember those diapers being pretty warm after a good poop. What kind of candy could possibly come in a toilet? The good sour kind, what else? Comes with a lollipop to dip in the toilet like you’ve always wanted to. Where there’s super sour Toilet Candy there’s gotta be weird critters like a Giant Gummy Rat, also in the basket. The center piece of this insane creation of off beat treats is the traditional hollow chocolate Easter Bunny. This one is for all my traditional old schoolers. Wouldn’t be an Easter Basket with out one.

You know, this would make a really funny gift. Imagine walking into your in-laws Easter dinner with The Nightmare Before Easter Basket in hand? A gag gift to your 8 year old who eats way too much candy as it is? Or your 11 year old nephew who eats the Dog Food Jelly Bean first and starts an autopsy on the Salt ‘n Vinegar Cricket. Bring one to the office party and tell everyone to help themselves. They will be talking about the really cool things in this basket for years to come. Don’t keep the Bacon Gumballs or the Onion Ring Mints to yourself, hand them out. Just don’t tell anyone the flavor until you get to see the reaction on their face. Get that on video and if you do send it to me, paul@baronbob.com

Check it out for yourself.
http://www.baronbob.com/alternative-funnyeasterbasket.htm

That’s all I have to say about that.

Top 10 April Fools Day Prank Items for 2011.

Brooks — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 17:27:27 +0000

Post By Sir Paul (office ninja).

We’ve been busy little beavers here at the Baron Bob compound.
April 1st is right around the corner and you know what that means…..
Happy April Fools Day!

I did a little digging out in internet land and pulled out a couple cool facts. April 1st was in the past considered the first day of the new year, did you know that? Was that way all the way until 1582 where the head hat wearer of the Catholic Church, good ol’ Pope Gregory XII ordered a new calendar, the Gregorian calendar took over the Julian calendar making January 1st the beginning of the new year. People who knew nothing of the change kept celebrating it on April 1st and were ridiculed and called fools. Hence the name April Fools Day which is also known as All Fools Day.

Enough schooling lets get to the good stuff. Me, the Baron and our warehouse dude Amner locked ourselves in the warehouse over the weekend with nothing but Pac Man energy drinks and bacon popcorn to sustain us on our mission of coming up with our annual Top 10 April Fools Day Gifts & Gags for 2011. Nothing beats a good old do it yourself prank, like filling some ones car entirely with ping pong balls or rubber banding the hand held hose in a sink so it sprays any time its turned on or buttering a hallway floor. All classics but we make it a little easier for you with our top 10 list.


	1. Fake Peel And Win Game Pieces I’m sure you’ve seen the fake scratch off tickets, everybody has. That’s the problem, everyone’s on to it. They won’t be expecting these! Have the video camera ready.


	2. Anti Ticket Dashboard Donut What a great cop gag! (we are not responsible for any tickets or taser gun incidents) Place this little piece of genius right up on your dash at your next traffic stop! Also makes a great gift for that officer in your life.


	3. Formula Pee Candy Work in a medical setting? Then this ones for you. Walk around work sipping on this little cup and wait for the reactions or give this to the doctor when he asks you to fill the cup.


	4. Poop Soap Great bathroom gag. Nothing beats the look on someone’s face when the reach for the soap! This poo makes my skin feel so soft. Makes a funny gift for anyone.


	5. Borrow My Pen Gag Perfect for the office or school. Imprinted with “Sexual addiction Center” & “Electrolysis is Us” as well as 6 other wacky business names. Bet they won’t steal your pen again.


	6. Remote Control Fart Machine Works great anywhere, and with a remote that works up to 100 feet the possibilities are endless. Now with Boom Box Technology!


	7. Stiffy Stuff Gelling Powder The ultimate bar gag! (we are not responsible for any damages to your face) Turns any liquid into solid instantly. How many packets do you think it would take to solidify the water in a toilet?


	8. Radio Controlled Rat Guys, this is the perfect gag to play on your loving woman. Another one that you have to have the video camera ready for.


	9. Gag Trick Golf Balls FORE! Drive (get it? Drive, as in golf) Lost my thought, oh yeah. Drive the golfer in your life with this set of three gag golf balls. The 1st explodes into a puff of powdery smoke. The 2nd turns into a streamer upon impact, spiraling through the air. The 3rd will not go in a straight line no matter what you do.


	10. Liquid Ass Fart Spray This one is fun for all ages! Remember the stink bombs of yester-year? They used to come in little glass vials and smelled terrible. I used to buy them at a flea market in Garfield, NJ as a kid. Well multiply that times a hundred! Need to clear an office fast?